JOB POSTING – Parent Liaison. 1/4/12

Great Start Parent Liaison- Part time year round position providing parent “voice” on early childhood issues.  Responsible for volunteer recruitment, meeting facilitation, event planning, and project management for three county area.  Experience in community organization, volunteer management, child development/education, or child advocacy desired.  Must be an independent worker, organized, dependable, enthusiastic and able to work with diverse populations. Must be a parent/guardian to a child 12 or younger.  Please send resume and letter of interest to MLISD, 2130 W US 10, Ludington, MI  49431, attn:  Paula Jarvis or email to pjarvis@mloisd.org  no later than January 13, 2012.

ChildCare Committment Awards – Mason applications are due THIS FRIDAY, 12/16/11.

• Download the application from the tab above.
• Contact Paula Jarvis 231-757-4934 ext. 194 if you have challenges in completing it on time; we can help!

Reminders/Updates….

• ChildCare Commitment Awards – Mason are due December 9th, 2011. Applications can be downloaded under the ChildCare Commitment pull-down menu above and either emailed to PJarvis@mloisd.org or mailed to Great Start Collaborative, Paula Jarvis, 2310 W. US 10, Ludington, MI 49431
• Baldwin’s playgroup time has changed to 5:30 – 6:30pm on Mondays.

Groups begin the first week of November, 2011 (11/4 & 11/7)

An opportunity for children to learn, grow, and play while promoting developmentally appropriate activities.  Playgroup is also designed to build on the strengths of families as we share creative ways to encourage children to build their skills.  Parents will have time to meet and talk to other parents.  Staff specialized in infant and toddler development will facilitate using a research based early childhood curriculum.

Written by: Kathy Falhsing

Babies don’t come with manuals, and those preschool years can be challenging, no matter who you are.  Those years can be struggle, or they can be the happiest of your life (and often are both).  All of us who have tried to get a crying baby to sleep in the middle of the night or who have struggled with the embarrassment of a temper tantrum in a grocery store aisle have wished for a magic wand.  Where is Harry Potter when you need him?!

There are, though, three pieces of magic available for any parent or caregiver of a preschooler.  Today we will look at the first of these, and save the other two for the following articles.  This one is not a mystery for many veteran parents, but it is easy to forget, in the midst of our very hectic lives.

The first magic word is—prevention!  Especially with little ones, this is the key to eliminating melt-downs, staving off tantrums, and ensuring happy times.  It means planning ahead, anticipating issues and being prepared.

For example, taking your little one to the grocery store at naptime may have to happen sometimes, but can usually be avoided with a little planning.  Learn to read your child.  If they are becoming tired, hungry, or stressed, you can discover how to tell the signs at the onset.  Then you can make changes to your schedule as needed.  Plan for anything that might happen during an outing, and decide how you will cope.  Make sure you are equipped with snacks, transition/comfort toys, and books whenever you need to go out.

Many little ones are not able to tell you what they need and what is bothering them.  They may not even know, as they haven’t figured out their own bodies and emotions well.  They rely on the adults in their lives to learn about them, and give them the words for what they feel.  They also rely on us to keep them safe…in all ways.  Prevention means learning your child’s needs and cues, and using them to plan ahead.  That might mean changing our own plans, or even giving up some of our own wishes.  It also means that we can’t blame those little ones for bad behavior that results from us not reading their cues.  Some little ones are sensitive to too much sugar, others need more sleep that they often get, for instance.  They are little mysteries, these beautiful babies, there for us to solve.

Of course, it is impossible to prepare for every eventuality.  There will be times when the unexpected happens, when children become ill, when we just didn’t expect things to go the way they went.  Stay tuned for two more tricks to add to your own brand of magic…

Written by: Kathy Falhsing

Last time we learned about the first magic parenting tool for preschoolers.  Today we look at its cousin—‘distraction’.  This is a magic that isn’t particularly useful for older children, as they have developed language and a better understanding of consequences for their actions.  Little people, developmentally, often do things out of experimentation or pure exploration, and have not learned about our expectations of them or about what we consider right and wrong.

For example, running around a waiting room, grabbing things off shelves in the store, or biting another child are things that you might often see a toddler do.  They do not do these things to be ‘naughty’, or ‘bad’.  They do them because they haven’t yet developed an understanding of what we adults think is proper behavior.  Our first reaction might be to punish them or reprimand them strongly.  And while that might make us feel better, it usually doesn’t accomplish what we want, namely to eliminate those behaviors.  When the child is very young, they don’t usually even make the connection between the punishment and their act.  They only see that the adult is hurting them in some way.  Even somewhat older preschoolers often don’t understand that concept.

Many people feel that if they aren’t addressing the behavior, they are failing at being good parents.  And that is true for older children, and sometimes for our little ones, too.  However, if we have practiced good prevention, our first magic wand, and they still are getting into something they shouldn’t, the best defense is distraction.  If they are running around, for instance, and you don’t want them to, involve them in a little game—‘peek-a-boo’, ‘find the…’, or ‘where’s your eye?’  There are so many fun ways to distract your little charge.  Read them a book, have some play-dough for them to use, bring out a small, new toy to interest them.  I used to keep a bag of cheap, dollar-store toys for times like those, and bring it along wherever I went.  Then, when it seemed like trouble was inevitable, I’d pull out that bag, and the ‘trouble’ was forgotten instantly.

One caution here—distraction only works if it’s fun.  If you are trying to force it on your little one, it just won’t help.  You know what they like, and what captures their interest.  Use that knowledge to help you.

And, don’t worry about whether or not they have gotten the lesson you want them to learn.  Chances are, they aren’t ready for that anyway, developmentally.  For example, I have seen parents bite their child when that child bites another.  I’m pretty sure that child won’t bite again—at least not in front of that parent.  However, they definitely haven’t learned that biting is wrong…only that you can only bite in secret and can only bite one who is weaker than you.  A better choice might be to remove the child from that setting and those other children and toys, tell them ‘no biting’, and try again another day.

Think through those settings where you still have problems, after using your prevention ‘magic wand’, and see how you might use distraction to get through those situations.  You’ll find magic, again, and be the wizard of the day!

Written by: Kathy Falhsing

So, we’ve talked about prevention and distraction, the classic tools for anyone taking care of preschoolers.  The final branch of parenting magic is best of all…avoiding power struggles.

Little ones are hard-wired to test us.  It’s how they know where they stand and that they are safe.  They also are little bundles of desires, and haven’t yet learned how to wait for what they want.  So, it’s normal for them to want things you don’t want them to have or do.  If they didn’t, there would be something wrong.

Many of your power struggles will be removed if you are using prevention and distraction.  However, there will still be those moments we all dread.  So here are some tips for avoiding and/or dealing with the power struggles that persist.

First of all, as with any conflict, it takes two.  Your child cannot fight you if you don’t buy into the struggle, and you can learn to do that without either winning or giving in.  You can create a win/win situation.  Here are some ideas…

You decide what you will do.  For instance, say “I will read a story after teeth are brushed”.   Or, “You can have dessert after you eat four more bites of vegetable”.  Then DO NOT argue about it.  If they have not completed the task, just silently fail to give the reward.

Get children involved in the creation of routines.  Then the routine becomes the boss.   Ask what and how questions: How will we eat if you don’t set the table?  What is next on our routine?  What was our agreement about what happens to toys that aren’t picked up?  This provides a learning experience and often diffuses the situation if the interest in their answers is sincere.

Don’t use lots of words during these times, and never argue.  (One surely cannot win an argument with a three year old, though many have tried).

Use praise to get their cooperation when possible.  Tell them what good helpers they are, and add that you really like it when they help willingly.

Use choices whenever possible.  Rather than just telling them what to do, give a choice of two things that are acceptable to you.  This one is wonderful with all children, but works especially well with the strong-willed ones.  It lets them feel like they have some control, without letting them take control.  For example, rather than just tell them to put on their clothes, let them decide between two outfits you approve, or where they will store the toys that they are to pick up.

And always, always use your sense of humor: “Here comes the tickle monster to get little children who don’t pick up their toys”.  Sing songs or make chores into games.  This creates closeness and trust and makes everything easier!

Also, there are always HUGS! HUGS! HUGS! A hug is often enough to change the behavior — theirs and yours.

If you find yourself in the middle of a power struggle and angry to the point where you can’t control the emotion, remove yourself from the situation. Make sure your child is physically safe, and then let him or her know that you are going to leave her alone until he or she complies with what you are asking her.

Make sure that you have realistic expectations for your child. If you are constantly engaged in power struggles over the same issue, think about whether you are asking too much of your child. Ask your pediatrician or preschool teacher if your child should be able to do what you are asking at this age.

Although you do want to establish a pattern of your child respecting your parental authority, you do not always have to “win” a power struggle. If you find yourself embroiled in a power struggle, think about why you want the outcome you do. If it’s a matter of safety, then don’t back down. However, it is important (for both your sanity and your relationship with your child) to compromise once in a while, especially on issues that don’t pertain to health and safety, like clothing choices or food preferences.  If you are usually consistent in terms of sticking to your limits and consequences, it can be okay to back down once in a while if you find yourself in the midst of a particularly difficult or frustrating power struggle.

The ultimate goal is to raise a happy, healthy child, confident in your love and in their own abilities.  Hopefully, these magic tricks will help take you there.

Written by: Kathy Falhsing

Our beloved lakeshore area has become the scene for loss for many, lately.  From the drowning death of young Delilah Perez, to the disappearance of ‘Baby Kate’ and the deaths of others, grief colors the lives of many of our friends and neighbors.  All of us feel the weight of loss and sadness.  We talk about the hurt of losing those we loved and knew, remembering them and weighing the questions about why death takes those so young and with so much promise—how lives so vital can just end.

Doing such talking and thinking, trying to make sense of things, these are the tools that guide us through our grief.  But, did you ever wonder how little children cope with grief…especially those who have little or no language to help them?   Many adults hold the mistaken view that preschoolers are too little to realize what has happened, and wouldn’t remember it anyway.  Thus, they must not grieve.

Unfortunately, just the opposite is true.  Small children grieve loss, but this is complicated by the fact that they do not have the language or the experience to understand it.  They grieve loss through death, divorce and separation, knowing only that the person they loved is not there.  They don’t understand the finality of death or even what that word means.

Children handle loss in ways that are much different than adults. A child may react to news of death in ways we might feel are inappropriate, wanting to go play or be very active and irritable.  The child might ignore a person who has been gone a long time. These are perfectly normal behaviors.  Children of all ages need to play as a way to find relief from the stress surrounding grief and to find a degree of normalcy while they come to terms with the events going on around them.

You can help preschoolers deal with loss.  First, try not to misinterpret their reactions.  Grief, even in older children and adults can take many other forms than sadness.  Everyone grieves differently.  If your child is suddenly more or less active, more irritable, or withdrawn, or losses his or her appetite, these may be signs of grief.  They will likely ask when the person is coming back, probably so many times you think you can’t answer again.  They might have trouble sleeping, or have nightmares.  Look at these behaviors with a sympathetic heart.  The child, like you, is struggling to deal with the loss.

Answer their questions as honestly as you can.  Don’t try to sugar-coat things.  Small children won’t understand that.  If someone has died, avoid saying they are ‘gone to a better place’, or ‘went to sleep’ (even if a beloved pet has actually been ‘put to sleep’).  This can cause problems with a child who does not yet understand figures of speech and will tend to take whatever you say literally.

You don’t need to hide your own grief from preschoolers, but be sure you can find a way to give them the extra attention they will need as they heal from the pain of loss.  None of us has a magic answer for dealing with grief, but be gentle with yourselves and gentle with your children, and remember the joy your loved one gave you, sharing those memories through stories and through your treatment of the precious little ones in your care.

If you need help in guiding your preschooler through grief, there are many agencies that can help.  West Michigan Community Mental Health Services, Hospice, Catholic Charities, your local schools and Intermediate School District, and others have counselors and helpers who can guide you.  Don’t be afraid to ask!